Dating: a whole other world in college

Somewhere between the Lilly Library and unlocking the front door of my apartment, I got to thinking about dating. Sure, I’ve had guys coming in and out of my life with some significance or other since coming to college … but dating? Dating in college is on a whole new level. Stuck between high school play-pretend and the adults we are molding into, we go through the motions. Dinner, movie, and the spitfire of twenty questions in a desperate attempt to get to know one another (or just simply to fill the awkward silence) are all thrown into an evening. Truth is, most of these dates unravel into dubious text conversations or nothing more than a learning experience. 

And that’s just it; if something doesn’t work out we have to “learn” from it. As Sex and the City character Carrie Bradshaw comments, “People say everything happens for a reason. These people are usually women. And these women are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that men can get out of a relationship without even a goodbye, but apparently women have to either get married or learn something.” Is this true? Even in college, do we use each guy or girl we date as a stepping-stone to finding “the one?” I do believe we meet people for a reason. People come in and out of our lives, even if only for a short time, to bring meaning to them. Sometimes it isn’t all about the great novel, but rather the short chapters that piece it together. Where would we be without the supporting characters? 

Whatever motives we have for dating in college, whether it is for our quest of true love or just our quest to hook up, dating is just too much trouble and too expensive. I think most people don’t prefer the hassle of casual dating when casual sex is the alternative and so readily available. But still, I’m not entirely convinced. People are hooking up all around and all of the time, but we still find this longing for companionship. 

Being single is fabulous. You have freedom and call all the shots. Finding “the one” isn’t so important as long as you have someone in your bed at the end of the night. And yet, I find that people genuinely do look for love everyday. My best friend is currently studying abroad in London and she tells me these marvelous, romantic stories of meeting these wonderful foreigners on the beaches of Lisbon and the bars in Brussels. She tells me of how these beautiful boys buy her drinks and have intriguing conversations with her in their studio apartments with a view of the city or on the stairs leading down to a beach. She writes to me these adventures from her real-life romance novel, making me reconsider the whole Erie location. It isn’t just “hooking up”. It’s about having depth. Do we only find this depth when we remove ourselves from the college scene and thrust ourselves into the real world of dating? Or can a meaningful relationship sprout from the beer-soaked basement of a frat house? Maybe we are just looking in all of the wrong places.

When is the last time you sat with someone and had a conversation that made you think to yourself, “Wow, I will remember this always?” I don’t know; perhaps it is just the magic of Europe. I myself have had the fortune to travel abroad. I recall the night I was in Austria so clearly; I can almost feel as if I was there all over again. I was warm with intoxication as I made my way home from a local pub. I was standing on a bridge in Salzburg; a gentle breeze was carrying itself up from the river, brushing my hair from my shoulders. It was there, in the soft lighting from the street lamps that I saw him. This beautiful boy was just beneath me, staring out from the underpass of the bridge. I watched him for a moment; I had never seen someone so beautiful simply because he had stopped to look and appreciate the world around him. He looked up and we stared at each other for a long moment. He smiled and mouthed “Hallo” in German, to which I smiled in acknowledgment. Then, from below the bridge he told me I was beautiful, but not in the creepy way most girls are used to. It was in a genuine way, and for the first time in my life I knew and realized that there are small moments that will stay with you always because they are simply so breathtaking. Unfortunately, my friends pulled me away from what may have been the most promising romantic encounter of my life. We made our way back to the hotel, and this boy was never to be seen again. He exists now in my memory, but he will always hold a place in my heart, this random stranger who I will most likely never encounter again in my life. But we had this connection for but a moment in time. This is where I got to thinking that perhaps it isn’t dating we seek, but rather just the thrill of romance. I’ve noticed that the best hookups that people have are with those that excite them and mean more than just some random person. When you love someone, it isn’t just having sex. It’s having great sex. It’s making love and feeling passion. This made me question if there a science behind this. Are we more prone to a better sex life that is filled with romance, excitement and passion verses meeting some horny frat bro at, as the Europeans call it, a “red cup party?” 

When people fall in love, everything is new and stimulating. “During this period sex can be very exciting,” say Italian scientists from America’s Mental Health Channel.  “There’s still some of the mystery of casual sex and also some risk. The difference is that sex is more mutual when we’ve fallen in love. It’s about giving and sharing ourselves physically and emotionally. As well as sexual satisfaction, we can expect to feel emotional fulfillment. Sex becomes the ultimate act of intimacy.” Sex can be great no matter what your relationship with your partner is. Whether it is someone you’ve just met or you’ve known each other for a while, however,  it is safe to say that those in love have an opportunity to share strong emotions and grow together as great lovers. Don’t waste your time forcing yourself to feel something for these “randoms” we go on dates with. Sometimes you just need to meet new people and have those fun little hook ups. But don’t get so down on yourself if you haven’t found that one person that makes you crazy with glee. They’ll come around. I think a lot of people are just looking for that person who gets them. They don’t want to waste their time with someone who doesn’t hold the promise of anything past a mediocre hook up. “I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone,” as it is put in the motion picture “He’s Just Not That Into You.” “I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone.  I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved.  I want to be involved.  I want to be sleeping with someone I know I’ll see again because they’ve already demonstrated to me that they’re trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.”