Modern Day Single: friends with benefits

In my grandmother’s day, I at the age of 20, would most likely be married off and expecting my first, if not second child. Take a moment to consider this. Out of all of my girlfriends, I think there is one, possibly two of them who have relationships with the promise of a future (let alone a relationship period). And those of us who have relationships in college seem to find it “for the time being.” Is it because relationships have gotten harder to maintain or is it that our generation has discovered a whole new single life?
This is a world filled with freedom; relationships take a lot of work and, let’s face it, it’s just a lot more fun to not have to be committed someone else. In college, a lot of people find it most beneficial to stay single so they can explore who they are. So I ask, is this a good thing? Is causal sex really so casual, or is it even more complicated than actually committing to someone? It is not surprising to hear that it is becoming a widely accepted idea among young people. 

Casual sex consists of a lot of different things. Ranging everywhere from friends with benefits, booty calls, and one night stand. The idea behind it is little feelings and no commitment. A great deal of studies have shown that at least half of all college freshman admitted to having a “friends with benefits” relationship. Jocelyn Wetland, a PhD psychology student at the University of Ottawa, commented on this particular topic in the National Post. Westland says that casual sex isn’t anything new, but the names for it certainly are. A friend with benefits is the compromise between relationship and single, while booty calls and one-night stands are generally purely based on a physical relationship.“It varies with all guys, but friends with benefits is okay to me because we are in college, we don’t have a ton of money and we are constantly busy,” says Penn State Behrend student, Brian Shapter. “A lot of people, including girls, tell me that it’s nice to have a “friend” that they can chill and party with, then end up in bed together later. It’s nice to be with someone you know and are comfortable with, rather than a complete stranger. I think all ‘friends with benefits’ still have mutual feelings for each other, they just don’t want to be held back from what they want to do in college.” 

To most people, a friend with benefits seems like a pretty sweet deal. You get companionship, intimacy, and don’t have to deal with all of that sticky commitment drama. The common complication with this, however, is that there is a risk of one partner falling harder than the other. When sex is thrown into the picture, everything gets fuzzy. Feelings get involved; jealousy occurs and before you know it someone is left heartbroken. You find yourself caught in some pretend relationship limbo, and that is the most confusing thing of all. As mentioned in the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, “Beware of the word ‘friend.’ It can often be used to excuse the most unfriendly behavior.  Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.” Unfortunately, not all casual hookups lead to the happy ending that Ashton and JT have lead us to believe in their recent movies on such topics (No Strings Attached and Friends with Benefits). One of my Facebook friends actually made a status once that said something along the lines of “just saw No Strings Attached…I need a friends with benefits relationship!” Amateur assumptions. The first mistake of casual sex: never expect a relationship.

So what is to become of those out there who want a relationship? With so many attitudes favoring casual sex, I must ask, how do we find ourselves a decent relationship around here? And to those of you who have one, more power to you! Being in a relationship should pay by the hour for the amount of work that is put into it. But as for the rest of us, handicapped in the enigma of love, how do we find the crutches to learn to walk again? Everyone is allegedly supposed to meet his or her significant other in college; look it up on eLion, it’s included in your recommended academic plan.  So what happens to those of us who can’t seem to find our other half due to this friends with benefits epidemic? I am a sophomore in college, which means I have four more semesters, and one grueling year of graduate school, to meet a guy and have him fall in love with me enough to one day call me his wife. That isn’t much time; my biological clock is ticking!

In response to this obnoxiously looming question, I say who the heck knows. Life is already hard enough without trying to figure out your entire story in four years. Some of the most interesting people I’ve ever met have no idea what they’re going to do for the rest of their lives, let alone who they will spend it with. Our youth is also far too short to feel inconsolable over someone who probably didn’t deserve you in the first place. So why not shop around? Kiss a lot, experiment with your body and let yourself discover who you are and what you like. Don’t let fear turn into regret, you’ll find yourself empty one day if you do. Being single used to mean you were a crazy cat person, now, being single simply means you are 20 something, having a good time and feeling sexy. When googling the word “single” I found this definition from Urban Dictionary: 

2. Single

It means that you are alone, not lonely.

You may be single, but you are always surrounded with friends and family and you are a stronger person, not to be scared to venture life, yourself.

So what is so bad about being single? Life is about the journey and sometimes you have to take it alone for a while. Being a “couple” isn’t everything, and neither is this cat and mouse chase of emotions in casual sex. Life is about waking up and living each and every day, even if it scares the Hell out of you. Be advantageously free, dance on a table, make love someplace unusual, drink to the night, get lost somewhere breathtaking, kiss in the rain, try new things and enjoy the power and exquisiteness of your youth!