The Big O

At a school where the men out number the women 3 to 1, us ladies would think it would be a lot easier to find the perfect guy around here. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Most of the girl students I’ve talked to have commented that they are still on the pursuit of a relationship. So when you finally meet a decent guy with any potential beyond an intoxicated hookup, you can’t help but to feel like you’ve found the door to Narnia.

     Things with this new guy seem to be going great; the two of you seem to hit it off and have actually hung out sober, which everyone knows in college means he really does like you. Eventually you find yourself in a relationship and what more could you want? This almost seems too good to be true…and that’s usually because it is. You’ve noticed that in the bedroom, your man can’t seem to turn you on in the ways that you desire. It’s okay to admit, ladies, that when you’re looking for a guy, you kind of need the whole package…and the one he carries downstairs is a major factor. So how, we ask ourselves, do we approach our men about this subject without the fear of hurting their feelings? And how do we, as young women, reach that pleasure we are seeking for?

     A survey given by Cosmopolitan Magazine showed 86 percent of the women who responded, admitted to faking an orgasm with their men. These women also don’t think their guy knows they fake it, nor do they plan on telling them. I mean, kudos on the acting skills, but is this course of direction really helping your cause? Your guy is going to think he is doing all the right things if you lead him to believe so. Before approaching him about this little…complication…you may want to learn all of the facts so you don’t go into battle empty handed. There are a lot of reasons why you aren’t reaching full climax, and not all of them lie in the man’s fault.

     One reason you may be falling short of an orgasm could be not enough pregame. Generally, it takes a woman at least 20 minutes of arousal time before she will reach climactic acquirement. Now guys, don’t think a woman is simply trying to be selfish here, these are just the facts. Slow and steady wins the race; if you try to rush these things, it doesn’t quite get the highest pleasurable outcome. Another reason you could be having trouble getting off, ladies, is due to your set of mind. Arousal can be triggered by several parts of the body, either by touch or thought. A female can actually trigger an orgasm simply by mental influence. So, this is crucial that you don’t have a wandering mind while getting it on! Focus on every touch and make sure to circulate your breathing, rather than complicating your mind with worries like “what’s he thinking?” or “am I doing this right?” Just let your mind and body work together and you will find better results. Finally, a common myth is that the vagina is home of the orgasm; it is actually the clitoris that is the center of sensual sensitivity. Although there are many different areas of sexual arousal, the reason you orgasm is the sensations from these areas the clitoris experiences. Your man might just not be hitting all the right spots. It is important to be in sync with your guy and it’s not just up to him to do all of the work, ladies; you have to do your part as well.

     Approaching your man about this may not always be the easiest conversation, especially if it is a newer relationship. Here are some tips you may want to consider following while having this conversation. Don’t pin the problem on him; start off by saying that you are embarrassed to bring it up because you feel that you are the one not doing something right. At a younger age, a lot of women will find that they aren’t sure if they have had an orgasm before. You could discuss that you aren’t sure if you have quite reached ultimate climax and possibly suggest trying new things in the bedroom. Make sure these conversations are held fully clothed and not during moments of intimacy; this will make your man feel less vulnerable. You may also want to compliment him on the things he does do right (hopefully there are a few), so 1. He doesn’t change that up on you and 2. To make sure he knows he is doing something right. Although it may seem like an awkward conversation, it might be something that could really benefit the experience and connection with your partner.